The past couple of weeks have been weird. I suppose most would say that's when you should write the most. I'm not so sure. My thoughts have been so scattered. I'm sure my writing would be like trying to create a beautiful spider web, and since I'm not a spider, I don't have the right instruments, instincts, or tools, so the end result would be one giant mess.
Let's see...what are some of the thoughts and feelings I've had lately?
Disconnected. Left out. Anger. Hurt. Frustration.
These kind of feelings usually force one to take a hard look within. Soul searching. It's never been a favorite pastime of mine. In twelve-step programs they call it a searching and fearless moral inventory. When's the last time you took a fearless look in the mirror? The good, the bad, and the ugly. Who wants to deal with that?
Self esteem. Self confidence. Self respect. Where does it come from? Where SHOULD it come from? Not from feelings, that's for sure. But how many of us can truly say that our emotions, especially if they stretch out over a period of time, don't affect how we feel about ourselves.
My self worth comes from facts that are not altered by feelings. God created me, and He did so on purpose. He is at work in my heart and life. Because of Jesus' work on the cross, I am His child. These are all facts. Truth. Not opinions. Not feelings. And not what other people say about me. It's all in black and white in God's Word.
I gotta admit, though, that there are times that those feelings and a friend's spoken as well as UNspoken words seem more real than the truth of God's promises. It's a struggle. But truth is based on facts not feelings. I'm gonna go read some truth (God's Word) right now. And then again tomorrow and the next day. And hopefully I'll start placing my self confidence on the Rock (Jesus) and His promises and not on the sinking sand of this world and the people in it.
at July 14, 2008